I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
