his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I checked into jail on foursquare
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Randomize
