It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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