Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
