dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
