feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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