I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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