Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
