before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
