too bad you live with your parents still
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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