I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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