Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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