Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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