Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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