Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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