it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
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i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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