every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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