Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
