I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
