to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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