So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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