I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
