going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
