so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
