just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
