I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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