Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
