Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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