so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
