i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
