it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
