non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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