do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He has the fingertips of a God
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
