if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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