Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
