I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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