Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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