I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
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