Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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