I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
