I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Congratulations! We have a period
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
