Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
