hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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