Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The air taste purple.
Randomize