My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
