hotel room ftw
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
