Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
