she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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