so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
