Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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