Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
