I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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