I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
