The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
