I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
