I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
the condom got lost in my hair
We named our party play list daddy issues
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
