Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
