It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
