Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
so much tequila, so little girl.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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