; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My room smells like vodka and shame
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize