I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
