did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
