i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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