That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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